


(He comes for) Conversation

by MommaSkam



Series: What Now? [2]
Category: SKAM (TV) RPF, Skam - Fandom
Genre: Conversations, Friendship, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-03-23 23:51:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13798959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MommaSkam/pseuds/MommaSkam
Summary: HI All,I'm back.So I guess I couldn't just leave my T and H like that...If you have not read my first fic "What Now?" - you should, because this won't make much sense unless you do.I don't know how often I'll be updating this.  I usually have to wait to get inspiration from our favorite Norwegian boys.Hugs,MommaSkam





	1. Chapter 1 - Begin again?

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a Joni Mitchell song called Conversation. It is a lovely song, and you should all listen to it. In the meantime, here are the lyrics:
> 
> He comes for conversation  
> I comfort him sometimes  
> Comfort and consultation  
> He knows that's what he'll find
> 
> I bring him apples and cheeses  
> He brings me songs to play  
> He sees me when he pleases  
> I see him in cafes
> 
> And I only say hello  
> And turn away before his lady knows  
> How much I want to see him
> 
> She removes him like a ring  
> To wash her hands  
> She only brings him out to show her friends  
> I want to free him
> 
> Secrets and sharing soda  
> That's how our time began  
> Love is a story told to a friend  
> It's second hand
> 
> But I'll listen to his questions  
> I'll give my answers when they're found  
> He says she keeps him guessing  
> But I know she keeps him down
> 
> She speaks in sorry sentences  
> Miraculous repentances  
> I don't believe her
> 
> Tomorrow he will come to me  
> And he'll speak his sorrow endlessly and ask me why  
> Why can't I leave her?
> 
> He comes for conversation  
> I comfort him sometimes  
> Comfort and consultation  
> He knows that's what he'll find
> 
> (extended lyrics)
> 
> But you keep your feelings deep inside  
> You talk of them and think of pride  
> Now is the wrong time  
> But maybe if a dozen days are warm and right  
> You'll hear him say "I've wanted you baby for such a long time"
> 
> He comes for conversation  
> I comfort him sometimes  
> Comfort and consultation  
> He knows that's what he'll find

It had been a month and a half since he and T had said goodbye. Since they last spoke. Since they had last seen each other. (H went to the Nissen Revue – alone this time, with the hope that he and T could find a moment together – but all he got from T was a one-armed “bro hug” and a “thanks for coming.”)

In the past month and a half, so much had happened and, yet, nothing had changed. 

After their last text exchange, H threw himself into being the other half of “Norway’s It Couple.” He and Lea went on vacation with his family. He was Lea’s date for the Costume Awards (and he took part in a terribly awkward interview during which he had to admit that he didn’t have any acting projects lined up.) He and Lea did a photo shoot for Costume magazine and ended up on the cover. 

He was the perfect boyfriend – but he felt totally suffocated. 

Thinking T was right – that he had to get away from his “security blankets” - H made a rash decision to take a ski vacation in the States. He had a fabulous time, and enjoyed being a bit more anonymous than he was in Norway – or in Scandinavia, or in Europe in general. That is, until he fractured his wrist in a snowboarding accident. (He opted for a bright red cast – figuring if he had to wear one, he might as well do it with style.)

Coming home was a major buzz kill. Being back in Oslo only reminded him that he still didn’t have a clue about what direction to take his life. He also was frustrated with Lea for putting a photo of him on Insta where he was clearly drunk off his ass. (He thought it odd that she chose THAT picture of the two of them to “show off” their Valentine’s Day “love”. He looked completely out of it and she appeared to be throwing herself at him. Was that the best photo she could find?)

*****

But more than everything else, what was really bothering H was that he missed T so fucking much. It had been radio-silence since their brief meeting at Nissen, and every day that passed the pain and sense of loss got a little worse. 

H had to stop himself a dozen times daily when he was about to text T a funny thought or just wanted his opinion about something. He wanted to ask him a million questions. How was it meeting William and Kate? How hilarious was it that Morten swung him around on stage at the Gaygalla? How is Grease going? (H had probably watched a hundred clips from the show. He was so incredibly proud of T – and he was dying to tell him.) 

And he missed just BEING with T. He missed the feeling of “home” that he had whenever they were together. The simple joy of sharing hugs and smiles and chatting about whatever. No expectations. No pressure.  
But then H had gone and messed it all up. He wanted too much. Although he tried to fool himself with labels (they were “just good friends”) – in reality, H knew that his feelings for T were more intense than that, and were not – if he was being completely honest with himself - strictly platonic. 

In his head, H knew that this forced separation between him and T was necessary – so that they could each move on with their lives. But, in his heart – which pined for T – he could not let him go. He missed T. He needed him.

*****

Ultimately, though he knew it was probably a selfish decision, H couldn’t help but reach out to T again. If there was any hope to rekindle their friendship, H had to at least try. He realized that he might get shot down again – but that was a risk he was willing to take. He had no other choice. Giving T up willingly was not an option. 

Just a simple text. An opening. He didn’t want to overwhelm T, or scare him away. Just let him know that he was thinking about him.

H: Halla, Tar. How are you?

It was a few minutes before H saw any response. Then the speech bubbles appeared – and then disappeared – and then reappeared. That happened a few more times before:

T: Hi Henrik. I’m fine. How are you?

H exhaled a breath that he did not know he was holding.

H: Eh. It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster. Did you know I went to the States? I took your advice to leave my “security blankets” – but I ended up fracturing my wrist when I was snowboarding! Ha! Serves me right, I guess, trying to assert my independence.

T: Don’t say that! These things happen when people snowboard. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t be independent. It just means you should be more careful ;-)

H: Yeah, I guess so. What about you? How is Grease? I watched some clips. You are amazing!

T: Grease is so fun. I still can’t believe that I am doing it. It’s like a party all the time. And the other cast members are really great and have been super nice to me. I’m like everyone’s little brother. 

H: That so great, Tar! I’m so happy for you.

T: Yeah. Thank you. It keeps me super busy, of course, which is also good. The past couple of months have been so crazy – I just keep moving and doing. Not thinking. Which is probably for the best.

H: Ha. I have the opposite problem. I am thinking too much. A lot about you and about how I fucked up. 

Silence.

H: Tar. I miss you so much. You have no idea.  
I am so so sorry. I wanted too much. I demanded too much from you. I wasn’t fair to you. And now I am so afraid that I have lost you forever. 

T: Henrik, you haven’t lost me. I miss you too. I’m scared though. I can’t go through that drama again.  
I don’t suppose anything has changed on your end? 

H: No. Things are just as confusing and fucked as always. 

T: Huh…

H waited. And waited. Several minutes passed.

H: What are you thinking?

T: I’m wondering how we are supposed to do this. Or, If…

H: Don’t say “if”. I can’t handle not having you in my life.  
Ok. Fuck, I am selfish. I admit it.  
I guess I should ask you, do you want me in your life?

T: You know I do. I just don’t know how.  
I refuse to go behind Lea’s back again. 

H: I know. And we won’t.  
What about if we just, like, talk? Or text? Like, communicate?  
I can’t tell you how many times over the past month and a half I wanted to text you.  
Or call you – just to hear your voice and shoot-the-shit. 

T: I guess we can try that. 

H: Yeah?

T: Yeah

H: That’s great, Tar! Thank you! You’re making me so happy!  
Just knowing that you are out there, and that I can call you or text you whenever makes me feel so much better… Of course you can call and text me, too. Anytime.

T: Let’s come to an understanding though. If one of us doesn’t answer right away, it doesn’t mean anything except we are in the middle of something and can’t talk. Ok? I hated the “not knowing” whenever you went silent on me before. I always thought that you were ignoring me again. 

H: Of course. I understand. No games. 

T: And if we don’t hear from each other for a while it doesn’t mean anything except that we are both really busy. Ok?

H: Yes. Ok.

T didn’t immediately respond. 

T: So, what now?

H: Now I can ask you all the questions I have been dying to ask you for the past month and a half! Like, DUDE, you met William and Kate! How was that?......

*****

They spent the next two hours texting about every little detail of each other’s lives until their fingers started cramping and they both started drifting in and out of sleep.

T: I think I need to call it quits for tonight Henrik. I am seriously falling asleep.

H: Yeah, me too. But catching up with you has been amazing. Now I know why I missed you so much ;-)

T: You didn’t know before?

H: Just kidding! Of course I did. 

T: Let’s do this again soon, ok?

H: Anytime. If you ever need to talk, I’m here.

T: Ditto.

H: Goodnight, Tar <3

T: Goodnight, Henrik. <3

*****

H could not wipe the smile off his face. His heart felt so full. He knew that he had just been given a gift; another chance. This time he would not mess it up.


	2. Chapter 2 - (He comes for) Inspiration

He and H had been texting sporadically for several days. Cute memes, funny observations, just checking in with each other. It was all very pleasant – and very non-committal. 

That was fine with T. He was still doing Grease – and was still super busy. And although he loved it – he was not devastated that it would be ending in a few weeks. He was pretty exhausted and was looking forward to getting back to the “normal” life of a high school student. After all, it was his last year. 

*****

T arrived at their normal lunch spot and David was already there, scrolling through his phone. 

“Hey, TJ. Have you heard from Henrik lately?” David looked up at him. T had confided in David about his “friendship” with H. He knew that they had been hanging out, but that things got too complicated and they decided to take a step back. T hadn’t told David that he and H had started texting again, but it didn’t seem like such a big deal, anyway.

“Um. Yeah. A bit. We’ve been texting. Why?”

“I dunno. I’m kinda worried about him.” David said with a shrug. 

“Worried? Why? What happened?” 

“Have you seen him lately?”

“No. I haven’t seen him for a couple of months.” T tried to calm the growing sense of panic that was building in his gut. “I mean, I know he broke his wrist. Is that what you mean?”

“No. Not that. He just doesn’t seem like himself. Have you seen the picture that Lea posted of him on her Insta?”

“You know I don’t have an Instagram. No. I haven’t seen it.”

David pulled his phone out again and began scrolling through. A moment later he handed it to T. 

On it was a photo of H. He was sitting on a couch, holding up a mug, with Lea’s dog on his lap. At first glance, it looked like a cute photo – a man and his dog - but then T was struck by H’s face. He could not see H’s eyes. His beautiful, sparkling blues were completely covered by a mop of hair. T could just barely make out one of them – but it was devoid of emotion. So, too, was the rest of H’s face. He was expressionless. No famous H grin. His lips in a straight line. 

And the black sweater that H was wearing – well, that was odd too. It said “CHATEAU” on the front, but the “C” and “A” were in back while the rest of the letters were in bright red so that the first thing T noticed was that the shirt read “HATE U”. 

“Huh. Yeah. That’s weird.” T admitted, frowning.

“And did you see the photos from the Costume Awards? Did you see the one that Lea posted on Valentine’s day?” David was getting more revved up – like he was unraveling a mystery. 

“No. I told you, D, I don’t have Insta! And I have been super fucking busy if you haven’t noticed.” T was starting to feel guilty, as if David was trying to tell him that he had been a negligent friend to H. 

David grabbed his phone back and then showed T a photo of a clearly drunk H, drink still in hand, his arm pressed against his chest as Lea leaned into him. She looked lovely, but he looked out of it – his eyes closed, mouth slightly open. T had to agree that it was a strange photo to post for Valentine’s day. It also looked somewhat “staged” – as if Lea was trying to get a cute and romantic photo of the two of them. Instead, it kind of appeared that she was attacking him and he was gripping on to her (his) jacket to keep from toppling over. Odd. 

“Hmmmm.”

“Right?!?” David yelled. “He doesn’t look like himself at all! And he hasn’t posted anything on his own Insta in forever – not even for his brother’s birthday, and you know how much he adores Mathias! I really think there is something going on with him.”

Suddenly T felt defensive, as if HE had something to do with this. “Why are you showing me this? What do you expect me to do about it?”

“Well, you’re the closest one to him – and, yeah, I know that things have been weird between you two – but it kind of looks like he could use a friend now. Didn’t you say that he started texting you again? You should talk to him.”

“Ok. I’ll talk to him.” T said with a sigh.

“Good. Let me know how it goes, ok?”

“Yeah, sure.”

*****

T didn’t quite know what to do – how to open up an actual conversation with H. Ever since their dramatic “goodbye” – everything had been pretty superficial between them. Not that T wanted it that way – but it just felt safer. 

Now it felt that H needed him – needed a real friend to confide in. This was not about “them”, or Lea, or jealousy or want. It was about being there for H – who T genuinely cared about.

T figured that the only way for them to get past the menial bullshit would be to actually see each other. Face to face. Sure, T was scared. His feelings for H had not changed even though they had come to realize that their relationship had to. But, under the circumstances, he would need to push his own feelings aside and be there for his friend. 

So as to not alarm H, T started with an innocuous text:

T: Hey there. How’s it going?

H: I’m ok. You?

T: Yeah. I’m ok too.  
So, do you think we can get some coffee or something?

H: Really? Yeah. I’d love that. 

T: Cool. What are you up to? Can you meet now?

H: Sure. The usual? In an hour?

T: Sounds good. See you. 

*****

T was nervous. He felt as if he and H were entering into a different phase of their “friendship”. Before it seemed like was all about how to reinstate a relationship when there were still so many unresolved feelings between the two of them. 

Now it felt different. T felt that H need him – needed someone that he could talk to that would not judge or pressure him, and did not have any expectations of him. T just hoped that he could be that person.

*****

When T arrived at the KB, H was already there. Usual spot. Usual hat and hoodie, book and tea.

T plopped down in the chair across from H, and his eyes shot up from his book – a bright smile quickly spreading across his face. T smiled back and exhaled a sigh of relief. H was ok. At least at that moment.

“So, can I sign your cast?” T joked. 

“Do you have a Sharpie?”

“Nah. I forgot. Next time.” T smiled, and H smiled back.

“I’m happy you wanted to see me. I wanted to see you – but after what happened before, I didn’t want to force myself on you.” H chuckled – but it was more an embarrassed laugh than a genuine one.

T suddenly felt a bit guilty – like he was staging some sort of intervention. T didn’t want H to know that the reason he came was that he and their friends were worried about him – but he also didn’t want to continue just bullshitting when there was clearly something going on with H.

“Yeah. Ummmm. I’ve missed seeing you too. Actually, we all have. David told me that he misses you.”

“David? That’s random. I haven’t been in touch with him in forever.”

“Well, you know he’s always been a bit obsessed with you – the old “life imitating art” thing. He kind of stalks you on Insta, I think.” T rolled his eyes.

“Huh. Did not know that. Um. Ok.” H looked perplexed.

“So, uh, anyway – you know how I am not on Insta, right?”

“Yeah?”

“We’ll David showed me some photos of you that Lea posted, and, well, they got me worried about you.”

“What? Really? Is that why we are here?” H suddenly looked annoyed and T quickly scrambled to try and explain.

“It’s not like I’m checking up on you or anything. I just, I guess I just felt like maybe you needed someone to talk to, and maybe I could be that person.”

H just stared at him.

“Hey, just because things got a bit weird between us doesn’t change how I feel about you. I care about you, Henrik. You are one of the best people I have ever known. I still want to be part of your life, and I still want to be someone that you trust to talk to.”

H paused, “Let’s get out of here, ok?”

“Yeah, sure. Where do you want to go?”

“Can we just walk?”

“You know it’s below freezing, right?”

“We’re dressed for it. And I’ll get us hot cocoas to go, ok?”

“Yeah. Ok.”

H went over to buy the drinks while T put back on his many layers, scarf, beanie, and hood. Moments later, H came – one drink his in “good” hand and the other balanced in the crook of his arm.

“Hey! I could have helped you, you know.” T scolded as he grabbed the cocoa.

“Please. You think a little thing like a fucked wrist is gonna slow me down?” H laughed as he bundled himself up layers, as well.

*****

The streets were nearly empty outside. It was too cold for a leisurely walk – so besides a few poor souls taking their dogs out to relieve themselves, it was just T and H.

“Where do you want to go?” T’s voice came out muffled from behind his scarf.

“I don’t care, let’s just walk, ok?” 

They were silent for awhile. Just the sound of their feet hitting the pavement or the occasional crunch when they hit a patch of ice.

“So. Why is everyone worried about me?” H finally asked.

“I guess, at least in the photos of you, you don’t really look like yourself. And you haven’t been on Insta in awhile, so…”

“Huh. I didn’t realize that I was being scrutinized.”

“Like I said, it wasn’t me. Blame it on David. If he’s wrong and everything is hunky-dory, just tell me that and I’ll pass it on.”

H laughed, but it was not a genuine one.

H cleared his throat. “Um. So I guess things are not that great. I was trying to stay ‘under the radar’ – but then Lea went and posted those photos and, yeah…”

“So what is really going on? Can you tell me?”

“That’s the problem, Tar. Fucking nothing is going on. The only ‘work’ I’ve had since Skam is being Lea’s boyfriend. The other half of ‘Norway’s It Couple.’” H sighed. “Did you see the cover of Costume Magazine?”

“No. Why?”

“I looked lifeless in it. It was so weird. Lea was a little vixen and I looked like I was embalmed.” 

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It sucks. I feel like I have no identity anymore. I don’t know what to do with my life, Tar. I’m scared.”

“Henrik. Shit. I’m sorry.” T had stopped walking. H turned around and faced him.

“Please don’t pity me Tar. I just need to be able to talk to you.”

“Anytime. You know that. Henrik, you are amazing and talented. You are magnetic and lovely. I don’t understand why you are in this position. I don’t get it.”

“I guess I don’t really get it either. After I got signed with Panorama I figured projects would just fall into my lap. What did I do wrong, Tar? I want to work. I want to act. I don’t want to be a model or a trophy boyfriend anymore.”

“I don’t know Henrik. I think you need to open yourself up to new things. Take risks. Audition for stuff. Don’t take yourself so seriously. You’re such a great actor. It was so easy for Isak to fall in love with Even because you embodied the character. You just need to be able to find that again. Challenge yourself.”

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could be in something together again? I mean we already have that ‘natural connection’ – like everyone says.”

“I would do it in a heartbeat. Ooooh! What if we did like a “21 Jump Street” set in Oslo? How cool would that be?”

“Or maybe something set in a boarding school in the 1950’s. Forbidden love and all that stuff.”

T gave H a quizzical look. “I thought you weren’t into more ‘gay love story’ projects…”

“If I could do it with you – I would in second. No questions asked.”

“Hmmmm. Maybe I should talk with my agent.” T winked and laughed.

“Yeah. Maybe you should.”

T could feel the blush climb up his cheeks, despite the cold. 

*****

They continued walking and chatting until they reached T’s home. 

When they arrived, H gave him a firm hug – which T could just barely feel between all the layers. But that was ok. The sentiment was there.

“Thank you, Tar. You really helped me.”

“Like I said, anytime. Really.”

“You’re a good friend. I am very lucky to have you in my life, you know that?”

T blushed again. “The feeling is mutual.”

H gave him another quick squeeze and turned to walk away. As he did so, he called back, “Let me know what your agent says. You and me – buddy cops! I can see it now….”

T laughed as he walked up the stairs to his house.

*****

H left T feeling better than he had in weeks. He had energy and inspiration. The future suddenly seemed a bit brighter with T back in his life.


	3. Chapter 3 - (He comes for) Adoration

It had been more than a week since he had last heard from H, and T was annoyed. He knew he had no right to feel that way, considering that he was the one who made the rule that “if we don’t hear from each other for a while it doesn’t mean anything except that we are both really busy.” But, when he made that rule, he has been up to his eyeballs in Grease, school, the revue and everything else. 

Now Grease was done, and T was bored and, well, kind of lonely. And he missed H. 

But he knew that H WAS busy. David – always the Instagram stalker - kept T up-to-date with everything that H was doing; a weekend at a spa with Lea, a trip with Lea and his friends to Cezinado’s concert, and, of course, the DreamitCon in Paris with Marlon, Iman, and Josephine. (Regarding the last one, T shouldn’t be upset, he could have gone if he wanted to. It’s just that he has never really liked “meet-and-greets”, plus he knew he’d have to speak English and, well, that made him super nervous.)

As far as T knew, H was still in Paris, which was why he was surprised when his phone rang and it was him.

“Henrik?”

“Bon Jour, Tar! Comment ca va?”

“What the hell, Henrik? Are you still in France?

“Oui, mon amour.”

“Dude! Please stop speaking French!” T laughed. “How are you calling me? Isn’t it crazy expensive?”

“No, I bought a SIM card so it’s free. So we can talk, talk, talk all night.”

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“Yeah. But I miss you, and we haven’t spoken in so long and we have so much to catch up on and I am here by myself. No distractions. So talk to me, Tar. How are you?”

“I’m good. A little bored now that Grease is over. I mean I have some other shit going on – but after the craziness of the last few months, ‘normal life’ feels weird and kinda lonely.”

“Oh. I’m sorry. If I were there I’d keep you company.”

“Yeah. Whatever.”

“Really, I would!”

T sighed. “So, tell me about your adventures. David has been keeping me in the loop since, as you know, he stalks you. It looks like you had an awesome Spring holiday.”

“Yeah, it was pretty great. Let me tell you, sometimes it pays to be half of ‘Norway’s It Couple’. We got a free weekend at this awesome spa resort – and all we had to do was pose for some photos for their Instagram account.”

“Shit. That sounds awesome. I’m jealous. After Grease ended I could have seriously used a weekend at a spa.”

“You should have come.”

“Ha! I’m sure Lea would have loved that! Talk about third-wheeling it.”

“Yeah, I guess she wouldn’t have been into the threesome thing.”

“Ewwww! Henrik! Do NOT go there. The mental image just made me gag a little.”

“Geez Tar, don’t be such a prude!”

“You know I am not a prude, Henrik. I just could do without the thought of ‘menage a trois’ with your girlfriend.”

“Ooh la la! Look who is speaking French now!”

“Ha ha, Henrik.”

“Ok. I get it. Maybe next time it’ll just be you and me.”

“Yeah. Sure.”

“What, you don’t believe me?”

“Whatever, Henrik. This is a pointless conversation.”

“Wow. That hurts, Tar.”

T snorted. “Ok. Sure, next time it’ll just be you and me…”

“I think you underestimate my feelings for you, Tar.”

“Are you drunk, Henrik?”

“Maybe a little tipsy. There is a lot of yummy red wine here in France. And maybe I’m just feeling a bit romantic being in the City of Love.”

“Um. Ok.”

“So did you hear about the panel at the DreamitCon?”

“No. What about it.”

“Well, first of all, you should have been there. It felt totally weird to be with Marlon and Iman and Josephine and not have you by my side. I even wore the plaid shirt from our photo shoot so that I had something with me to remind me of you. Actually, it was funny, there was a girl there wearing a t-shirt of the photo of us – you know the one where we are holding hands and I am wearing that shirt? – and I took a selfie of us and posted it on my Insta story. Did you see it?”

“No. I didn’t.” T was feeling a little overwhelmed by H and his professions of – well – whatever it was he was professing. But hearing H sound so excited and happy, T couldn’t help but feel drawn into the whirlwind of H’s mind. 

“Yeah. So, anyway, we had our panel and I talked for a while about you – about us – and basically admitted that I fell in love with you when we were filming Skam. Of course, then I made up some theory about ‘method acting’, and we learned techniques to ‘snap’ out of it. Ha! You know I am not THAT good of an actor!” H was cracking up and T was laughing too – mostly at H’s ridiculousness. 

“Wow. That sounds pretty crazy.” T was speechless.

“Yeah. Anyway, it was fun. And Marlon and I had some good bro time. We did some sightseeing together and that was fun. But he left and I’m still here. I’ll be home soon, though. When I get home, can I see you?”

T swallowed down the lump that was forming in his throat. This conversation was getting a little intense. “Um. Yeah, sure. We’ll figure something out.”

“Cool… So how are you? You’re in the home stretch! Just a few more months until you graduate! Are you excited?”

“I guess so. I’m still not sure what I am going to do after graduation. School or work. Oslo or someplace else. I feel like I should know that, but I have been so busy that I haven’t really thought about what happens next.”

“Ha! I am almost four years older than you and I am having the same problem – so don’t you worry your pretty little head about it. I’m sure everything will work out for you, Tar. You’re in demand, boy. Everyone wants a piece of you. And after your movie comes out…”

“Uh. Thanks. Yeah, I guess it all still feels pretty surreal. Like, I am still just this 18-year-old kid and I just want to enjoy my teenage years. I don’t want to grow up too fast. You know?”

“Yeah. I know. But you’re good, Tar. Just be you. Ok? You be you.” H giggled.

“Don’t know who else to be.”

“I mean you could be some opportunistic fame-whore. You know, like all those child actors who burn out by 21.”

“Eh. That’s not me. You know that. You know I’m a secret introvert.”

“Yeah. I know. That’s one of the things I love about you. How you can be up on stage singing and dancing your heart out, but then get all flustered when an interviewer asks you a direct question.”

“You know my ‘Achilles heel’, Henrik. Now I have to kill you.”

“Don’t do that. You’d miss me too much!”

“Yeah. I guess I would…”

Suddenly H was quiet. T cleared his throat.

“I guess I should let you get back to partying in Paris. Be safe, ok?”

“Of course. Always. I’ll call you when I get home, ok? And we can make some plans?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“Au revoir mon cher.”

“Bye, Henrik.”

****

T felt dazed when he hung up the phone. H always seemed to have that effect on him. If T was going to be able to stay in this friendship, he would have to steel himself against H’s constant flirtatious banter. T knew that it wouldn’t lead anywhere… at least for now.


	4. (He comes for) Nutella

He had clicked play probably 100 times. The clip was mesmerizing. Yes, it was T, but in his snapback and trainer jacket, T looked like his Isak. And he was spreading Nutella around his mouth and down his chin. H couldn’t decide if it was disgusting, sexy or adorable – or all three. All he knew was that he wanted to lick that chocolate spread off T’s face so badly that it physically hurt.

H realized that it would be a BAD idea to see T in his current state. He didn’t think he would be able to control himself, and that could really be the death knell for their friendship. (After all, T had made it abundantly clear that there would be no kisses and no cuddles so long as H was still in a relationship.)

But at least he could talk to T, right? 

H pulled out his phone and pressed call. T answered on the second ring.

“Hey”

“Hey yourself. What the fuck was that Nutella video all about?”

T laughed. “I dunno. I was just being silly. Why? Did it gross you out?”

“Kind of. But it also made me want to lick it off.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, oh.”

T was silent.

“Wasn’t that your intention? With that little sassy smirk in the end?”

“I guess I didn’t really think about it. I just did what came naturally.”

“Hmmmm. Well, personally, I felt assaulted. I hope you’re proud of yourself.” H huffed out.

T chuckled – but it was indignant. 

“I feel like I should apologize… But, you know what? Fuck that! You assault me all the time. With your fucking Instagram posts that David shoves in my face. That last picture of you? In Paris? I couldn’t take my eyes off it. David was actually laughing at me.”

“Oh yeah? You liked that one? Did you notice I was wearing the plaid shirt? I wanted you there with me.”

T sighed. “Henrik. What are we doing?” 

“What do you mean? We are talking on the phone. Can friends not talk on the phone anymore?” But H knew very well what T meant. This was not “bro” chit-chat. The tension between them was palpable. 

“Seriously? You know that this is not normal.”

“What can I do, Tar? Look, I respect your boundaries. But you know how I feel about you. And I know how you feel about me. If we can’t just be ourselves – even OVER THE PHONE – then what’s the fucking point? I mean, I get it. You don’t want to go behind Lea’s back. I know. And I am not in a position to change that situation right now. But now you are going to deny me even talking? Really, Tar?”

“I don’t know what to say. Of course I want to talk with you. I want to see you. I want to… UGH! Shit! Henrik! What do you want from me? I’m a fucking 18-year-old who wants to get laid and there is no one out there that I want…”

“No one?”

“Fuck you.”

“I’m sorry. That wasn’t cool.” 

“No. It wasn’t. Don’t mock me.”

“I’m not. I just want you to be honest with me.”

“And what good will that do, huh? Look where it got us before.”

“Yeah…”

“You know what, Henrik? This is not working. I can’t play this game.”

“This isn’t a game, Tar. Not for me, it isn’t. This is what I can give you now. And if it’s not enough for you, or if it’s too much, then you have to let me know. But I am not going to just ‘go away’. I can’t.”

“Why not? You have what you want. You are in a relationship with a fucking model. You are ‘Norway’s It Couple’. What do you need me around for now? For the fucking memories? Move on, Henrik.”

“Ouch.”

“What? The truth hurts?”

“Is that what you think you are to me? Memories?”

“Well, I sure as hell am not your future.”

“You don’t know that.”

“Don’t I? Is there a possibility of an ‘us’? Because if there is, I am willing to wait. But if not, then this has to stop.”

“You can’t put this pressure on me, Tar. You’re not being fair.”

“No, you’re the one who’s not being fair, Henrik. I am trying to maintain a FRIENDSHIP with you - and then you call me and tell me you want to lick fucking Nutella off my face. And you call me from PARIS and call me ‘mon amour’. You know what, I need a break from you. I can’t deal with this. You are not letting me move on with my life.”

“Please don’t say that, Tar. We’ll work through this. We will.”

“I don’t know how we can.”

If he was being honest with himself, H didn’t know how, either. He wanted to make promises to T. Promises that they would be together someday. That they had a future. But he knew that he couldn’t do that – because they would be empty promises. 

“Just – I don’t know – give me some time. Ok?”

“For what?”

“To figure things out.”

“Take all the time you need, Henrik. But don’t expect me to wait for you.”

“Of course not. You shouldn’t. You need to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.”

“And what if I already did?”

“Did what?”

“Find my prince?”

“You didn’t.”

“How do know?”

“Because maybe your prince is not ready.”

“Yeah, and maybe he’ll never be.”

Silence.

“I gotta go, Henrik.”

“Yeah. Ok. Bye Tar.”

****

H stared at his phone and, for the first time in a long time, he cried.


	5. (He comes for) Comfort

When T learned that Kokos had passed away, he knew he needed to reach out to H. No matter how weird and awkward things were between them, T realized it was the right things to do. H loved that pup so much.

Just a simple “condolences” text – to let H know that he was in T’s thoughts.

T: Hi Henrik. I heard about Kokos. I am so sorry for your loss. Just wanted you to know that I am thinking about you.

H: Hey Tar. Thank you. Yeah, it was really sad. Kokos was a fucking awesome dog. 

T: I know. Again, I’m sorry.

(Several minutes passed and T saw the “speech bubbles” come and go a few times) 

H: I wish it didn’t take Kokos dying for you to do it, but I’m glad you texted me. I have been wanting to contact you after our last conversation, but I didn’t know how to. I wanted to apologize to you – again.   
Why does it seem I am always apologizing to you? Maybe because I am a fuck-up who can’t keep my thoughts to myself and my mouth shut?

(T didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t expected to open up a discussion about their messed-up “friendship” – but he also didn’t want to just say “It’s ok” to H, because it wasn’t. T was tired of the emotional rollercoaster.)

T: You don’t need to apologize. I’m not going to say it’s fine – but it is what it is. I just need to protect myself better. 

H: Wow. Protect yourself from me? That actually fucking hurts, Tar. You make it seem like I am setting out to hurt you. You know that is the last thing that I want to do.

T: Maybe – but I also know that I deserve more than what you are willing or able to give me. I thought I was ok with the flirtatious banter, so long as we didn’t cross any physical boundaries. But, I’m not. 

H: What do I do, Tar? I miss you. I want you in my life. I am going through a hard time, and I feel like you are the only person that I can actually be real with. Do you even know how lost I feel right now? I am gripping on to the past so hard that my fingers ache. Do you know why I wear that fucking plaid shirt all the time? Because it reminds me of our photoshoot day – a day that I felt truly and genuinely happy. 

T: I don’t know what to tell you, Henrik. I feel like we have had this conversation before. You need to start acting again. You need to audition for things. Put yourself out there. Be vulnerable. Skam will only carry you so far. And modeling with Lea does nothing to further your career. Don’t you realize that? Shit, I can’t believe I am giving you "life" advice. But I guess someone has to.

H: No. You’re right, Tar. It sucks to hear it – but you’re right. I guess I just kind of thought that if I surround myself with successful people that it would take me someplace, but it hasn’t.

T: Look, I know that we have a “complex” relationship. But I hope you know that - when it comes down to it - I will always be there for you. I will always be your friend. I will always want the best for you. 

H: Thank you, Tar. I guess I just wish I knew what’s “the best” for me. Can you tell me? Maybe you know?

T: No. I don’t. Obviously I am biased – and it would not help for me to inject my thoughts and feelings into this. 

H: What? You think the best thing for me is to be with you? 

T: I didn’t say that.

H: But that’s what you are thinking, right?

T: Do I think we are compatible? Of course. Do I think we’d be a good couple? I don’t even want to go there. It’s pure fantasy. 

H: Why do you think so?

T: Because neither of us is ready for a serious relationship, and I won’t settle for anything less with you. 

H: Is that what you’ve decided?

T: Yeah, that’s what I’ve decided.

H: So I guess it’s up to me now, huh? To decide for myself?

T: Seems that way. Yeah. 

H: Ok then. 

(Yet again, there was a heavy silence.) 

T: Um, how do we end this?

H: End our friendship?????

T: No. This text exchange. Stop with the dramatics...

H: Oh. Phew. I guess let me just tell you that I love you – and we’ll see what the future brings.

T: Ok. I love you, too. Bye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All,
> 
> I wanted to write this a few days ago - but things have been super busy. I am actually in Chicago with my older daughter, who is doing some pre-college stuff. But right now she is out with a friend visiting "Gallavich" sites! (She's a BIG Gallavich fan. They're a couple from the show Shameless, for those of you who have no idea what I am talking about.)
> 
> A word about this chapter... I must admit that I am starting to feel like I am beating a dead horse with this fic. I wanted to write this chapter because I thought that there was no way that T wouldn't reach out to H after Kokos passed away. But, besides that, I feel like every conversation ends up the same - with them being sad and confused. 
> 
> I guess what I'm saying is, unless something BIG happens with our boys, this fic might be ending. (Someone asked me if I would consider venturing off into pure "fantasy land" and have them be together - but that's not my thing.)
> 
> I must admit that I still hold out a shred of hope that these two will find their way back to each other again - but only time will tell.
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam


	6. (He comes for) Encouragement

T was so happy when he learned that H was going to take part in a play with Dissimilis – an organization dedicated to enriching the lives of people with special needs. Although he knew he couldn’t take credit for it, T hoped that maybe one of his “pep-talks”, when he told H that he should take risks and be vulnerable, helped guide his decision to get involved with a production that was a far cry from the high-profile modeling jobs he had done over the past year. 

This was a chance for H to use his popularity to bring awareness to a wonderful organization, and enrich the lives of fellow actors who were not looking to become famous – but to simply do what they love.

Although it was very different than Skam, T thought that this would be the first time that H really put himself “out there” again to help others and to educate. And for that, T was proud of H. 

He wanted H to know. He also wanted to see H. He missed him, and figured that maybe enough time (and understanding) had passed since their last (awkward) interaction that they could try again at being simply friends. 

T: Hi. I’ve been thinking about you. Can we meet for coffee? Or a beer?

It only took a minute of H to text him back.

H: Of course! I would love that! When?

T: Well, I’m free now, if you are

H: Great. I’ll meet you at KB in 20 and then we can go from there

*****

T waited outside of the KB for H to arrive, and when he did, he smiled at the sight of his friend walking towards the café with this head down. H was wearing that darn plaid shirt again under his open coat. He hair was hidden under a dark beanie. T was similarly hidden. 

H grinned happily when he looked up and saw T standing outside. 

“Hi, Tar!” He yell-whispered, so as to not draw attention to them. He then wrapped his arms around T in a warm, all-encompassing hug. 

“Hey, Henrik.” T muffled out from where his mouth was pressed against H’s shoulder.

T pulled away a took a step back. If H noticed T putting physical distance between them, he didn’t comment.

“So, where should we go?”

“It’s not so cold. Do you just want to take a walk?”

“Sure. Let’s get some drinks to go. Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

H went into the café and T remained standing outside – feeling a bit nervous and overwhelmed. He reminded himself that HE was the one who initiated this meeting, and that he had been clear with H about his feelings and his boundaries. He knew that H would respect them and, thus, he tried to push the nervousness out of his mind. 

A few minutes later, H came out of the café with two cups.

“What’d you get me?”

“Hot chocolate, of course.” H replied with a smile. “And for me, too.”

They started walking – aimlessly at first – until they agreed to head towards a nearby park. 

They had been quiet for a few minutes when H finally broke the silence. 

“I admit I am a little surprised that you wanted to see me. I got the feeling from our last conversation that I might not hear from you again.” T looked over at H like he was about to protest. “Don’t worry. I’m not angry. I understand. I can be a bit much. But, anyway, I was going to contact you soon if I didn’t hear from you.”

T chuckled sheepishly. “Of course you’d have heard from me again. I know we left things kind of weird – but, well…” T paused, wanting to change topics. “Hey! I was excited to see that you are going to be in a play with Dissimilis. That’s so cool.”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, it’s really not a big deal, it’s two shows and my role is small. I play Prince Charming, of course.” H laughed and winked.

“I’m sure it’s a huge deal for them! I mean, come on, because of you, not only will the show be sold-out, but the organization has gained so much exposure and publicity! Like worldwide exposure! That’s awesome!”

“Geez, Tar. Don’t you think you are overreacting a bit?”

“Uh, no? I think it’s great. It’s using your fame to make a difference. Hey, remember when Marlon did that short film for that child refugee organization, Redd Barna? I was so proud of him.”

“Yeah, that was pretty awesome.” 

“And you are bringing awareness to an organization for special needs people. That’s awesome, too.”

“Tar, please, enough. It’s nice. Yes. Anyway, it’ll be fun.”

“I’m gonna try and come see it on Thursday. My show starts on Friday, so I can’t go then.”

“Yeah, yours is running for a few weeks. I’ll come and see it.”

“Cool.”

T and H continued strolling and finally reached the park. They were quiet, and while it was fine at first, after a few minutes, T started feeling awkward. He had said what he wanted to say to H, and now he didn’t know what else to say that wouldn’t lead them down an uncomfortable path.

“Awesome conversation, though…” H chuckled, as he kicked some weeds that were springing up along the trail.

“Ha.” T looked over at H and rolled eyes. 

“So, um, how are you, you know, otherwise?”

“I’m good. Keeping busy. You?”

“Yeah. I’m good. I just went with my mom to visit my grandma. It was beautiful there. Relaxing. Gave me some time to think.”

“What did you think about?”

“The usual. Still trying to figure out what’s next for me… Hey, did you hear that Julie’s new Skam starts next week? Are you gonna watch it?”

“I don’t know. I mean at least it’s something new. All the Skam knock-offs are annoying. At least this one will be all new stories and stuff. And Julie is doing it, so it’ll probably be good. But it’ll be in English. Wonder if we’ll be able to get it with subtitles? That’d be funny. Ironic.”

“Ha. Yeah. It will be a little odd. I’m actually kind of jealous. I mean, can you imagine just starting out? Could you even fathom then what was going to happen?”

“No. I had no idea. It was a wild ride. But I don’t regret it.”

“Oh My God! How could you? I mean, look at you now! You are a national treasure and a worldwide star. And, of course, you met me…”

T smirked at H. “Yes, I did meet you.”

H reached over and tapped the tip of T’s nose. T flinched, but then turned towards H, slipped his hand inside H’s layers and pinched his waist.

“Hey! What was that for?” H yelped.

“You bopped my nose!”

“Your nose is cute. I can’t help it.” 

“Well, you can’t just manhandle me without expecting some retaliation!”

“Manhandle you? That was not manhandling you…. THIS is manhandling!”

H grabbed T in a tight hug. T was squirming from the get-go.

“Hey! Cut it out!” T laughed, as he tried to pull out of H’s arms – causing both of them to topple on to the grass. 

H still didn’t let go. He was laughing hysterically. 

“What The Fuck, Henrik?!” T started feeling a little frantic. 

H rolled away from T, still giggling.

“I’m sorry, Tar. I guess it’s been too long since I was able to fucking relax and just be myself.” 

“Damn, man. You’ve got to get out more.”

“You have no idea, Tar.” 

T turned to his side and propped himself up on his elbow. “What are we going to do with you, Henrik?”

“I’m telling you. Find us something to do together. I don’t care what. Anything. I want to act with you again.”

“I would love that, too.”

“Ok, so make it happen.”

“Yeah, sure, Henrik. Don’t forget, I am only 18-fucking-years old.”

H sighed. “Yeah. I know.”

“Plus, I keep telling you, you are amazing on your own. You don’t need to be part of a “couple”. You need to just be you.” 

“You and my mom… If everyone had as much faith in me as you two, I’d be a movie star by now.” H smiled ruefully. 

T couldn’t help himself. He reached over and caressed H’s cheek. “We both love you. That’s all.”

H looked at T with big, pleading eyes. Without thinking, T leaned over and kissed H gently on the cheek. He pulled away slightly, and then lowered down again to meet H’s lips. The kiss was innocent and chaste, but full of warmth.

“What was that for?”

“Uh. Because I wanted to. I’m sorry.” T started getting flustered. 

“Don’t apologize, Tar. I’m happy.” H had a relaxed smile on his face.

“Ok. Cool.” T flopped back on to his back again. The two laid side by side in the grass until the wetness seeping in through their jeans got annoying, and cold. 

“Hey, let’s get going. I should get home soon. School tomorrow, and all.” T stood up abruptly and then reached down to grab H’s hand and pull him up. 

The walk back was quiet – but a peaceful quiet this time. 

They parted ways at the KB with a quick hug, a “see you soon” and a “good luck on the show.”

*****

T walked home with a smile on his face and a lightness in his heart that he had not felt for weeks. It was nice.


	7. (He comes for) Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Since one of you requested a Gullruten themed chapter, I had to do it!
> 
> I was going to wait until Saturday to post this - but me being the slightly (umm, very) neurotic person that I am, I'm afraid that something will be posted on Tumblr or Instagram about what the REAL Tarjei and Henrik are doing that day, and then I won't want to post my ridiculous piece of fiction. I know that sounds crazy but, well....
> 
> Anyway, I hope you all enjoy your moment of Henjei fluff.
> 
> Hugs!
> 
> MommaSkam

H: Hey Tar are you busy on Saturday? I noticed you don’t have a show and I want to see you.

T smirked to himself. He wondered if H would remember what Saturday, May 12th was. 

T: Um, I don’t think so. Why? What’s going on?

H: I want to give you something… and also I miss you and I want to see you.

T: Ok. Sure. Where and when?

H: The usual? KB at 19:00? 

T: See you then

H: See you!

*****

T was excited to see H. It was the one year anniversary of their Gullruten adventures – and one year since the best three days of T’s life. He looked forward to reminiscing with H about it.

When T arrived at KB, H was waiting for him outside. It was a Spring evening, but the sun was still relatively high in the sky and the air was still fresh and clean from the rain the day before. H was wearing a light blue snapback pulled low on his forehead, a jean jacket and his beloved plaid shirt with a grey t-shirt underneath. One hand was shoved in his jeans pocket, and the other was holding on to the straps of a tote bag – the same bag that T had brought to H’s birthday party 7 months earlier. 

“Hey, Henrik.” They smiled brightly at each other and simultaneously reached out to hug. Whatever was in the tote bag swung around and hit T on the back of his thighs.

“Tar! I’m so happy to see you!”

“What the hell is in that bag? A brick” T laughed, knowing full well what was actually in there.

“I brought our baby back to you.” H laughed. “We were supposed to change custody months ago. I don’t know what happened.”

“Ah! Our gold baby! Yes, I missed it. Do you take it to bed with you every night? Will you be able to sleep without it?” T sassed.

“Actually, I don’t know. I might be kind of lonely. Maybe I shouldn’t give it back? Would you mind?”

“Of course I’d mind! Didn’t you say that the award belonged to me? And now I haven’t even laid eyes on it for 7 months!”

“Ok, so how about we do a visit for you? We could take it to the park now, and you can push it on the swings for a while?”

T and H were both giggling by this point. 

“So I’ll be like a – what's it called? – a Disneyland Dad? I’ll just take it on the weekends and on trips and stuff, and you’ll have to do all the hard work? 

“Yeah. Like discipline it and potty train it and help it with homework.”

“What the fuck, Henrik?” T laughed, “You are ridiculous.”

“No, you are! You started it!” H cried as he pushed T’s shoulder.

Without discussing what they would do, T and H just started walking. Now they were strolling along back streets – trying to keep out of the public eye.

“So, are you hungry?” H asked.

“I can always eat.”

“Kebab?”

“For old time’s sake.”

“Yeah, for old time’s sake – and it tastes fucking good.”

As they walked to the nearest kebab shop, their Gullruten “baby” swinging between them – each of them holding a strap – T and H got the chance to catch up. H talked about the musical he did and how fun it was to be on stage. T talked about the intensity and intimacy of his play – and how strange it is to act in one of his classrooms at Nissen.

“And have you been watching Skam Austin?” T wondered.

“Yeah. I have. I’m kind of disappointed. I thought it’d be completely different from our Skam, but it is actually pretty much the same. I mean every scene is kind of structured the same, and Eva – I mean Meg’s – boyfriend is even named Marlon! I know that’s a wink, wink, nudge, nudge to all the Skam die-hards out there, but, I don’t know, it’s just weird.” 

“True. But there are two ‘Isaks’ – so that’s kind of cool. I wonder what Julie will do with that. I know she got a lot of shit for not making a girl-girl couple. Everyone wanted Eva to end up with Vilda, or Noora, or something. Maybe Shay has the hots for Meg and Taylor has a thing for Marlon?”

“Maybe. Though I kind of want Meg and Grace to get together.”

“Yeah, that’d be cool. Though it already looks like they Julie is setting up a thing between Grace and – what’s William’s name?”

“Daniel?”

“Yeah, I think you’re right.”

T and H continued chatting as they got their kebabs and cokes and walked to a nearby park. 

“Do you want to sit in the grass?”

“It rained yesterday, so it’s probably still wet. There’s a bench over there” H pointed across the field.

They sat on the bench and popped open their sodas.

H held his drink up and boldly announced, “Happy Gullruten-versary, dear Tarjei!”

T chuckled and clunked his soda can against H’s. 

“Well, it’s not champagne and filet mignon, but guess coke and kebab will have to do.”

“I think it’s perfect” H smiled widely, a sparkle in his blue eyes.

“God, can you believe it’s been a whole year?”

“No. I really can’t. On one hand it feels like a lifetime ago, but on the other hand, it feels like yesterday. Funny that they girl squad was there last weekend. They got to go twice – no fair!”

“Yeah, if you got your season then we could have gone back again. Oh well.” T sighed wistfully.

“That was the best time, though. Wasn’t it?”

“The best time of my life. Really. Being with you and the boys. Just having fun. Sightseeing. And, of course, winning! And the parties. Fuck. That was incredible.”

“I know. Every part of it was amazing. I don’t even know what my favorite moment was.”

“You don’t? I do.” T looked down at his half-eaten kebab. H could see a light flush spread up his neck and immediately knew what it was.

“Hmmmm. Let me guess. Was it when we won the Audience Award?”

“That was amazing, but, no.” The flush was riding up to T’s cheeks.

“Was it the after-party – cuz’ that was super fun.”

“It was fun. But, not that.”

“Oh, I know. Was it ‘the kiss seen ‘round the world’?”

T smiled shyly. “Yeah.”

“I agree.”

T and H sat in silence for a few minutes picking disinterestedly at their kebabs. 

“Are you done?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

H grabbed the rest of T’s kebab out of his hand, jumped up and dumped them in the nearby trashcan. 

Plopping back down on the bench H declared, “I think we should reenact it.”

“What? Reenact the kiss?” T looked at him wide-eyed.

“Yeah. It should be an annual tradition – starting right now.”

“Uh. I don’t think so. I don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“Why not Tar? Do you not want to?”

“That’s not the point. I mean we’ve been down this road before. I don’t want things to get messy.”

“Nothing will get messy, Tar, I promise. I think we should do it in honor of Isak and Even. In some parallel universe, they are still together.”

“Oh my God, Henrik. Please stop!”

“No, really. They are!”

T rolled his eyes and sighed. “And even if I wanted to, I just ate a fucking kebab! I have garlic and onion breath!”

“So do I!” H reached down and grabbed T’s soda. “Look, let’s just each take a mouthful of coke and swish it around, ok?”

“You really want to do this, huh?”

“Yes. I really, really want to do this. Please kiss me Tarjei. Like you did one year ago today, under the lights of Greig Hall, with the world watching.”

“You are such a fucking drama queen!”

“You love it!”

T wiggled his eyebrows, reached up and grabbed the back of H’s neck, pulling him in. H complied willingly, crashing their lips together. Like at Gullruten, the kiss got heated fast, open lips and tongues sliding in and out of each other’s mouths. But unlike at Gullruten, T didn’t “pop” off after a few seconds. No, instead, he gripped H’s neck harder and slid his arm around H’s waist, while H mirrored T’s actions. 

Within seconds, T and H were full on making out, hands pulling at each other’s hair, rubbing up and down each other’s backs. It was like they both knew; if they were only going to do this once a year, they would make it good and they would make it last. 

When another part of his body started to wake up, T pulled off. 

“Holy fuck!” H gasped.

“Shit.” T jumped up and started pacing around. Clearly trying to calm down.

H laughed. “Umm… that was amazing.”

T’s head whipped around and he shot daggers at H with his green eyes.

“Tar, chill out, man! It’s fine!”

“I know. Just gimme a minute, ok?”

T continued pacing back and forth and H watched him, vacillating between feeling amused and concerned. 

After a few minutes, T let out a big cleansing breath and sat back down on the bench. “Ok. I’m good.”

“What was that?” 

“I…. I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“You know, Tar, it’s ok if your body starts to, you know, do things,” H said in his most cloying and condescending voice. “It’s a natural part of growing up and becoming a man.”

“Shut The Fuck Up, Henrik!” 

H burst out laughing – clutching his stomach and rocking back and forth.

T couldn’t help but laugh along with him.

“Oh my God, I’m gonna throw up!” H gasped.

“Was my onion breath that bad?!”

“No! Just the look on your face! So fucking funny!”

“That’s not nice, Henrik. I’ll have you know that I was in some discomfort!”

“I’m sorry Tar! You know I never want to hurt you!”

“You’re such an ASSHOLE!” T scoffed, pushed H’s chest.

“Oh, come on! You know you love me.”

“Yeah. I do love you. And you love me too.”

“I do.”

“But this doesn’t change anything, ok? Just a Gullruten-versary thing. Ok? No weirdness.”

“I’m not weird. Are you?”

“No. I’m ok.”

“Ok?”

“Good.”

H sighed and reached up to tousle T’s hair. 

“Let’s walk back, ok?”

“Yeah, I should get home.”

After a few minutes of peaceful silence as they walked, T and H fell back into a light chat about their Constitution Day plans and T’s last weeks of school. H asked if T regretted not joining a Russ bus, and T admitted that he prefers acting to getting wasted and hooking up with randoms. 

By the time they arrived back at the KB it was dusk. T and H hugged goodbye, H gave T a kiss on his forehead and they parted ways – each walking in opposite directions, the tote bag now swinging in T's hand. 

Neither T nor H could see each other anymore - but if they could, they’d see that they were both smiling.


	8. (He comes for) Celebration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is a silly little thing. 
> 
> I wanted to write more, but I am super busy with work now and don't have the time... HOWEVER, I was at a cafe today and our bill came out to (I kid you not) $21.21, so I saw that as a sign that I had to write SOMETHING. (By the way, my husband and I gasped and were like "Holy Shit!", but my dad and step-mom - who have no idea what Skam is - thought we were nuts...)

“Hola, Tarjei! Que tal?”

“Oh, Lord. Not this again. Please, no Spanish Henrik.”

“But I’m in Barcelona. And I just had a pitcher of sangria and I am feeling no pain.” H laughed.

“Yeah. How was the con-thing?”

“It was good, I guess. I got to meet Alec from Shadowhunters – that other gay-ship, you know, Malec? – and some other cool actors. And of course, I took a million photos with fans. But I talked a lot this time, and I stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I can count. I shouldn’t be trusted to talk at these things.”

“Why? What’d you say?”

“You’re gonna be pissed at me…”

“Uh. What did you do? Fuck, Henrik. Don’t freak me out!”

“No. Nothing bad. I just was kind of all over the place and, well, they asked some really awkward questions.”

“Like what?”

“Well, the first day, someone asked me if I liked kissing you and I was, like ‘No!’ and then I felt bad because it made it seem like I was – I don’t know – uncomfortable kissing you or something. I mean, what did they expect me to say? Yes, it was fucking electric?!” H laughed. “And then I saw on twitter that people were pissed ‘cuz they thought I was like ‘no-homo’ – which is ridiculous, I mean if they only knew, right? So yesterday, I kind of went overboard. I called you ‘pretty’, and I talked about our date before we started filming, and about our friendship and everything. And then someone asked me what three actors I would take with me on a deserted island and I said you first, OF COURSE, and then Ulrikke, and then another friend. But then I thought about Marlon, so I said him, 'cuz he's 'cute'. And, then I suddenly I remembered Lea and I was like ‘oh, yeah, and my girlfriend.’ Like, oops? I really hope she doesn’t hear about that. She’d be furious!”

There was a moment of silence before T let out a sigh.

“Wow. I don’t even have to be in the same country as you and I still manage to piss Lea off.”

“This is not your fault, Tar. I am just too open. And I admitted to them that I saw you for your birthday, but then the next day I said that I didn’t see you ‘on’ your birthday because I was in Copenhagen – which I was…”

“Yeah, but I had been there, too.”

“You were. That was fun.”

“It was. It was nice to be able to be a little bit anonymous.” 

“Yeah, I have to thank Jakob and Kristoffer for letting me borrow you.”

T laughed. “They were cool with it.”

“We need to do that more. You know? Just be together. Like normal people. Not sneaking around in disguise with hats and hoodies and shit. I mean that was awesome. Being able to sit in a restaurant with you and eat and drink and talk and laugh… and nobody gave a fuck.”

“Yeah... Thank you, by the way, for dinner. It was great.”

“My pleasure!”

“So now I have to ask you… How was it that we were in Copenhagen at the same time?”

“What do you mean? I was there to check in with my agency.” H sounded incredulous.

“You think I believe that, Henrik? I told you I was going there with the boys and then you just ‘happen’ to show up?”

“Shit. That sounds kind of stalkerish, doesn’t it?”

“Sort of.”

H sighed. “Fuck, Tar. You caught me. I mean, I DID have to go to Panorama at some point – to remind them that I exist and I need work – but when you told me you were going for your pre-birthday weekend, I figured, why not go now? Do you think I’m lame?”

“No, just a little desperate.” T laughed.

“Me? Desperate? Fuck you!” H snorted indignantly – but then burst out laughing. 

“You know, if you want to see me, all you have to do is ask! You don’t have to fly to another country, you know?”

“But what’s the fun in that? Plus, you’re too damn busy when you’re home – and, of course, there are eyes everywhere.”

“Yeah. That’s true… I guess if we're being honest, I’m pretty flattered.”

“There’s no reason to be flattered. I keep telling you how much you mean to me, Tar. Maybe one of these days you’ll get it. Or you’ll believe me, or something.”

“I believe you – but I don’t get it, I guess?”

“You don’t get it? What’s not to get? I’ve told you I love you. You are one of the only people on God’s green Earth that I can be real with. How can I be more clear?”

T was tired. Tired of having the same conversation over and over again. If H loves him, and he loves H, why are they not together?... Because they are too young. Because H has a girlfriend. Because they both have careers to worry about. Because maybe they both realize that what they actually have is too precious to risk messing up with “relationship drama.” 

“No. You’re clear. Thank you.”

“Thank you.”

“For what?” T questioned.

“For being you. And for trusting me. And for letting me be your friend. I know it’s not always easy… I mean, I know that I have not always made it easy for you.”

“You do drive me fucking crazy sometimes, Henrik…”

T paused.

“But?? I think there is a ‘but’ there.”

“But I love you, too.”

“Ha! I knew it!”

“Ugh! You’re such a fucking dork, you know that?”

“But I’m a lovable dork.”

“Yeah…”

H cleared his throat. “So, um, Tar, let’s plan to do some cool shit this summer, ok?”

“Ok. Let’s.”

“I’m gonna go now. Goodnight, Tar.”

“Buenas noches, Henrik.”


	9. (He comes for) Honesty

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi All,
> 
> Don't know what this is...
> 
> I have SO much work to do - but I don't feel like doing it. Instead, wrote this little conversation. Maybe I should have called it "(He comes for) Procrastination". Heehee.
> 
> Happy Saturday!
> 
> Hugs,
> 
> MommaSkam

T was enjoying an unusually lazy Saturday afternoon when his phone rang. It was H.

“Hey!”

“Hi Tar! How are you? I miss you!”

“Um, I’m good. Just relaxing. But, like, aren’t you and Lea away with your dad now?” T had stalked H’s Instagram a bit and saw photos of them looking – apparently – blissfully happy out in the country.

“Yeah. Lea is taking a rest, so I thought I’d give you a call.”

“Ok.” T felt strange. “But why aren’t you resting with her? Why are you calling me when you are with her?”

“What do you mean? I can’t call my friend when I am away with my girlfriend?” H asked incredulously.

“I just didn’t think you’d risk anyone knowing that you’re talking with me.”

“What the fuck? That’s crazy, Tar.”

“Really, Henrik” T sighed, “Is it?”

Since the last time he and H had spoken, David told T more about H’s Q&A in Barcelona. David said that H believed that T was different from most Norwegian guys, and quirky - and H admitted that his friends didn’t like or accept T. They thought he was weird. Although T had already believed that to be true - by the “cold shoulder” he got the few times that he was around H’s friends – it still hurt to know it for sure. And it hurt that H was so open about it with complete strangers. 

“Is what?”

“Is it crazy? I mean, did you think that I wouldn’t find out what you said about me in Barcelona – that your friends don’t like me? That I am weird and shit?”

“Oh, fuck. Tar. I’m sorry. That came out so wrong. SEE!?! I told you that you’d get pissed when you found out what I said!”

“Well, you didn’t even fucking tell me what you said! You made it sound that you were just all lovey-dovey about me. Why would I be pissed about that?” 

“I’m so sorry. I told you, I don’t know when to keep my fucking mouth shut.”

“Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, I guess that explains a lot…”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means that now I know why our friendship is a secret. Why we are never in the same place at the same time. You don’t want people to know how close we are. You think it would make you look bad. You think it will change your image. Fuck. I get it. You’re –“

“NO! No, no, no!” H yelled. “Fuck! Wait!”

H didn’t speak on the other end of the phone, but T could hear the sound of his footsteps on floorboards, a door opening and then closing and then quiet. 

“Tar. Please listen to me.” H pleaded.

“Yeah? I’m listening.”

H exhaled deeply. “You don’t know what it’s like to be me, Tar. You have always been so true to yourself. So honest and so free. I haven’t had that. I mean, yeah, sure, my mom has been amazing and encouraging and everything – but she is the ONLY one. Don’t you get it? I keep telling you that you are the only person that I can really be myself with. I mean that, Tar. It’s so fucking annoying.”

“I don’t get it…”

“Of course you don’t. You have always surrounded yourself with people who are like you. David and Jakob and Sean – they are all theater guys. They wear their weirdness like a badge of honor… But I haven’t had that. I mean, I love my dad, and my friends – but they think that this acting thing is just a phase. And, to be honest, I am kind of starting to believe them.”

“Don’t say that, Henrik!”

“Why? It’s true! I haven’t gotten any real acting work since Skam ended. It’s been a year! A whole fucking year now! What the fuck, Tarjei! What is wrong with me?”

“Nothing. Nothing is ‘wrong’ with you, Henrik. You are wonderful and talented and beautiful.”

“Well, I don’t feel that way.” H chuckled sadly. “I depressed, Tarjei. I’m sad and I’m scared. And I feel terrible because I am afraid that I am dragging others down with me.”

“Shit.”

“Yeah. Really. Even Lea. I mean, she’s young and just starting her modeling and acting career and wants to party and have fun - and I feel like I am keeping her from that. It’s ironic, actually. Here I thought that us being a couple would help both of our careers, but I think it may be having the opposite effect.”

“How so?”

“It’s kind of funny, if you think about it… I mean, after Skam, I tried to distance myself from ‘Even’ because I didn’t want to be type-cast as the queer-mentally ill kid. But, in doing so, I alienated myself from the very community that had embraced me.” 

“Hmmmmm.”

“Look – compare me and you. A month after Skam you were at Pride with Carl and you didn't give a fuck what people said or thought about your sexuality. I, on the other hand, was hanging out with my girlfriend and playing the ‘no-homo’ card. I am embarrassed for myself. I wish I could go back and do things differently.”

“And what would you do differently?”

“Well, for one, I wouldn’t have been a dick and pushed you away from me. Second, I would have thrown myself into new projects – like you did – and not just sat around waiting for things to fall in my lap.”

“Henrik, it has only been a year. And you are only 22 years old. Don’t give up on yourself so quickly. I, for one, am not giving up on you….”

“Thank you, Tar…”

It was quiet for a moment.

“I’m sorry, we’ve spent this whole time talking about my fucking problems. How are you? I read that VG interview – looks like you’re busy. Oh! And the En Affære trailer! That looks awesome! You look sexy as fuck!

T laughed, “Uh, thanks. Yeah. I’m pretty happy with how it came out.”

“And, uh, you are moving in with David and Jakob? That’s cool.” H sounded less than enthusiastic. 

“It is cool… Why do you sound funny?”

“Funny? I don’t sound funny.”

“Um. Ok….” T paused. “Henrik? Are you jealous?”

“Jealous?!? Me? Why would I be?”

“Henrik, you know that is not an answer…”

The other end of the line was quiet. Finally, T could hear H sigh. “Yeah, I guess I kind of am.”

“Why?”

“Because they get to be with you all the time. And I bet you’re gonna have so much fun. And you’ll have all kinds of cool and weird people hanging out at your house. And because I bet you’re going to meet some awesome person who is going to sweep you off your feet. And it won’t be me.” 

“Henrik, are you actually whining now? What the fuck?”

“Stop it! Don’t jealousy-shame me!” H cried.

“Shit! No, I am not shaming you! I just am surprised, that’s all.” 

“You shouldn’t be surprised. I keep trying to tell you how I feel.”

“Yeah, but you always look so content.”

“I guess I am a better actor than I think”

“Ha, ha, Henrik. Not funny.”

“I’m not trying to be.”

“Well…. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. It’s my problem.”

“Don’t say that. Henrik… You know I will always be there for you. My door will always be open for you.”

“I know you feel that way, Tar. And, trust me, that is a comfort. But I know the truth - that you are going to move on with your life, and I won’t have a place in it anymore.”

“You will have a place if you let yourself have one. I mean, you’re right, there is only so long that I will – or anyone would – wait around and tolerate being, basically, a secret. But it’s up to you, Henrik.”

“Yeah. I know that… Fuck! Why do things need to be so hard?”

“They don’t really have to be. You just need to try to stop pleasing everyone. It’s impossible. I mean, look at me… your friends think I’m a weirdo? Do I give a fuck? No!”

“But you were pissed…”

“I was pissed because of how you spoke about me – like you were embarrassed or something – not because I care about what your basic-ass friends think of me. Give me a little fucking credit, Henrik!”

“See! That!”

“What?”

“That attitude! Why can’t I have that?”

“You can – but you need to trust yourself – and trust the people that you know genuinely care about you and will accept you no matter what.”

“Ok… I’ll try.”

“Really? You will?”

“Well, I’ll think about trying. How about that?” H chuckled somewhat glumly.

“It’s a start.”

“Anyway, I should go. I’m sure I’ll get a bunch of questions about who I was talking to.”

“And what are you going to say?”

“Honestly? I don’t know yet.”

“Oh. Ok.”

“Please Tar, don’t be disappointed. I heard what you said. Really. I will think about it, Ok?”

“Ok.”

“I’ll talk to you soon.”

“Yeah. Have fun.”

“You too. Oh, and good luck with moving.”

“Thanks. I’ll let you know when the housewarming party is.”

“Please do. I love you, Tar.”

“Love you, too. Bye.”

“Bye.”


	10. (He comes for) Longing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little Friday angst...

“Hey”

“Tarjei…”

“Uh.” T cleared his throat, “Hi. How are you?” He asked, sounding oddly formal.

“You sound weird. Are you not alone?”

“Um. Can you hold on for a second?” H could hear some muffled talking and then quiet.

“Hey, Henrik. Sorry, I was in the kitchen.”

“Oh. Are you in the middle of dinner? I can call back?”

“No. No. It’s ok.”

“Who were you talking with? David?”

“Yeah.”

“Did you tell him it was me on the phone?”

“Uh. No.”

“Why not? Am I a secret?” H teased.

“No, Henrik. Geez… I just don’t feel like getting into it with David right now. Anyway, if he knew it was you he’d want to talk to you, too.”

“And you don’t want to share me?” 

“Oh come on…” T chuckled. “Don’t give yourself so much credit.”

H let out a big sigh. “Fuck, Tar. I miss you so fucking much.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah… It’s probably good that I am in Malta. If I was home now, I don’t think I could hold myself back.”

“Hold back from what?” T asked in a hushed voice.

“From seeing you.”

“And what would you do if you saw me?” 

“What would I do?” H could hear T breathing on the other end of the line. “I would kiss the shit out of you. That’s what I’d do. I’d run my hands over the stubble on your beautiful cheeks and I would suck on your sweet lips.” H let out a pained huff. “Shit! Ugh. Tar. I miss you. Do you get it?”

“Henrik. What the fuck? What are you doing?” T gasped. 

“Am I making you uncomfortable?”

“Uh. I mean, kind of? What is this?”

“I don’t know, Tar. I just can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Fuck. Henrik. You can’t do this to me.”

“You don’t understand, Tar.” H whined.

“What don’t I understand? Are you drunk? Bored? Lonely? God, Henrik. You need to stop this. You’re being so unfair.”

“I’M being unfair? Fuck Tarjei. You don’t get it at all, do you?” 

“I get that you KEEP DOING this. Calling me when you are thousands of kilometers away and being all flirty - but it means nothing to you! It changes nothing! UGH!!! How do you expect me to move on, Henrik? When you keep fucking doing this?”

H was silent for a moment and then let out a sigh. “Tarjei, I’m not drunk. I’m with my family on vacation – I’m not bored, and I’m not lonely. That’s what I am trying to tell you. I MISS you. I miss the way you make me feel. The way I feel about you. No one else makes me feel like you do. No one looks at me like you do. No one understands me like you do. NO. ONE. And I feel like I am starving – even though people keep offering me food and I keep eating. But nothing fills me anymore. I feel hollow. I don’t know what to do.”

“Henrik…”

“And I KNOW you feel the same way about me, Tar. You can’t tell me you don’t. I wouldn’t believe you if you said it, anyway.”

“Of course I do. You know I do… but, Henrik, you can’t keep doing this. We’ve talked about it so many times. Shit, you have so many fucking hang-ups! I can’t deal! You want to be everything to everyone. Who is the real Henrik, anyway? The one with your family? The one with Lea? The one with your friends? The one with me?”

“I can only really be myself with you. You are the only person who accepts me the way I am. When I’m with you, Tar, I feel like I am the best version of myself. Sometimes I watch us on Skam - or I look at our photoshoot - and I think about how happy I was. And I can see it. I look different. I look peaceful. You do that to me, Tar. You bring me peace.”

“But don’t you see how unfair you are being to me? Keeping me hanging on when you have no intention of actually ‘being’ with me? I can’t be your good-luck charm. Or your cheerleader. You can’t keep calling me like this when you are – literally - too far away to actually do anything about it. You’re keeping me at a ‘safe’ distance for YOU – but you’re leading me on, Henrik. Don’t you see that? I can’t stand it anymore!” T choked out – and, shit, H thinks he’s crying.

“Tarjei! Oh God! I’m so sorry! I’m so so so sorry! I’m so selfish.”

“It’s ok….”

“No. It’s not.” 

“Yeah. Well…”

“What can I do? What do you want me to do?”

“Let me move on and stop flirting with me unless you intend to act on it. Unless you really want to be with me. And only me.”

“Ok. I get it… But I can still call you, right?”

“Maybe hold off for a while?”

“What? Why? No! Please don’t say that to me.” 

“Henrik, if you really and truly care about me as much as you say you do – you’ll realize why I need this. And you’ll respect my feelings.” 

“Fuck, Tar, you sound so cold! Do you know how much you are hurting me?”

“Really? You ARE being so fucking selfish, Henrik! You want it all, huh? Will you just take a step back? Look at this situation? Realize that you have kept me in limbo for MORE THAN A YEAR?? I can’t do it anymore. I can’t…” T was really crying now, sniffing pitifully into the phone – and H could feel his heart breaking at the sound.

“Tarjei. I love you so much. I am so sorry. I don’t want to hurt you. I promise. Shit! I’m sorry. I’m really really sor-“

“Stop! Ok. I get it. I don’t doubt that you are sorry. But being sorry is not enough. This is a vicious cycle, and it needs to end – one way or another. The ball is in your fucking court, Henrik. You need to decide. Are you my friend? Or are you something more? And if you are ‘something more’, what is that? What can you give me?”

“Tar, I-“

“No! Don’t tell me now. I need you to think about this.”

“Um. Ok. I will.”

“Ok. Call me.”

“Yeah. I will…. And Tarjei?”

“Yeah?”

“I do love you.”

“I know. Bye Henrik.”

“I’ll call you soon. I promise.”

“Yeah.”


End file.
